Hi, I’m Nicole. A grief therapist in St. Louis, MO at Marble Wellness. When I meet with new clients for grief counseling in St. Louis, I share that one of the roles I see myself having as a grief therapist is being the Holder of Stories. I hold the stories, perspectives, tips, language, and truths of clients, including the things that help and the things that don’t. Here are 10 truths about grief that have been shared with me. Plus, one extra for those who read the whole thing.
Grief Truth #1: Visual and musical art can tap into emotions that words can’t.
Make or source a grief playlist. Try out watercolor. Use a guided grief journal (this and this are solid options).
Grief Truth #2: Your grief will continue after the first 13 months post-death.
The 13 months of grief care provided by hospice is an incredible gift and also just scratches the surface. Many grievers report grief year #2 as being harder than the first. This is a lifelong journey – be patient with yourself and others.
Grief Truth #3: It’s okay to cry in front of your kids.
Promise. It models your humanity to your children and shows that grief is a big deal.
Grief Truth #4: Grief has no timeline.
There are going to be things that you feel like you have to get done right away, but largely, the timelines we are stressed by are self-imposed. Keep doors closed, clothes in drawers, and possessions unsold if you simply do not want to do these things. There are no medals for rushed grief.
Grief Truth #5: You aren’t going crazy. It just feels like it.
There are going to be moments where you feel like you are going crazy. You might experience a change in your ability to focus or remember, like an inability to finish a show or asking the same question repeatedly. While this may feel alarming, it’s not unheard of. Consider using a notepad, the notes app on your phone, or other techniques unique to you to help you remember. PS – don’t let your own health fall through the cracks while you are grieving a death. An updated physical can help you rule out any physical health diagnoses as you experience new, grief-related symptoms and can help manage anxiety regarding your own health.
Grief Truth #6: Grief is filled with a lot of dichotomies.
The way you may feel about a person, feeling, word, event, place, or memory may change within the hour. And so I offer the grief therapist classic: it’s normal and okay. There’s not a limit to the number of times you can change your mind about something.
Grief Truth #7: There are moments you aren’t going to feel like (or have the energy for) eating.
In these moments, focus on getting food in your body. You need calories. There will be days for attention to nutrition but this is not the day. If eating solid foods feels like it’s too much, eat or drink softer things – yogurt, mashed potatoes, smoothies, rice.
Grief Truth #8: Not everyone who is impacted by grief cries.
Tears are not a reliable way to measure the impact of a death. We grieve physically, socially, cognitively, spiritually, and emotionally. Don’t underestimate the pain of another’s loss (or your own) because of a lack of tears.
Grief Truth #9: A voice recording or video can be a vital memento.
Many people believe that the first thing we forget about a person is the sound of their voice. If you are anticipating a death due to a serious illness, you may consider recording a conversation with your person or take a video of them saying their signature phrase. If you are already grieving a death, back up videos or voicemails to ensure you have this memory.
Grief Truth #10: It’s not uncommon for the grocery store to be a place of overwhelm.
There’s often a lot of decisions to make, many unexpected reminders of your person, and uncomfortable conversations or people to avoid. Asking for support in grocery shopping can be a really good way to relieve yourself of unnecessary uncomfortable feelings and meet someone else’s desire to help.
(Bonus) Grief Truth #11: There’s not actually a roadmap for grief and loss.
We love our girl Taylor Swift for shouting out Elizabeth Kűbler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief in her recent Heartbreak playlists, but … we know that real grief doesn’t happen in stages. Some people never experience anger. The feelings of grief are limitless and without order. Don’t hold yourself to the boundaries of this model or label yourself as doing grief “wrong” – there’s enough to be dealt with in this to unfairly grade your grieving as an “F.”
What is a truth you would add to this list?
Start Grief Counseling in St. Louis
If you live in St. Louis and are ready to talk with a grief therapist, we are here to help. Grief counseling in our West County, MO therapy office is easy and convenient. If you’d prefer to do online therapy in Missouri from wherever you are in the state, that’s fine too. We want to make your grief process less painful, however we can.
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Additional Counseling Services at Marble Wellness in St. Louis, MO and Chicago, IL
Counseling services are designed to help set you on a path of living a more fulfilled, calm, and happy life.
St. Louis
Our St. Louis team of therapists has a variety of training backgrounds and areas of expertise. We specialize in anxiety, depression, grief, chronic illness, therapy for men, couples, and maternal overwhelm. Our practice also helps new moms with various postpartum concerns, moms in the thick of parenting, and moms with teens. We can also chat from wherever you are in the state with online therapy in Missouri and online therapy in Illinois. No matter where you are in your journey, we would love to support you.
Chicago
Our Chicago team of therapists offers a wide range of mental health services to help our clients through the different challenges and hurdles in their lives. In addition to anxiety, depression, grief, therapy for men, and maternal overwhelm, we specialize in professional burnout, therapy for breakups, and love partnering with working moms.
