How do you NOT ruin your relationship when trying to conceive? Yeah, this is a very real question for couples trying to get pregnant in St. Louis and beyond. Recently, I wrote about how combined individual stress affects couples, deciding it needs to be viewed as a 3-legged race. It’s an exceptionally difficult season of life, and the strategies used by winning three-legged race teams seem applicable. The more I think about it, the more I think it directly applies to couples who are trying to conceive as well.
TTC Stress is Real
Whether you are dealing with any other stressors in life, which most of us are, or your main focus is TTC. Either way, it can get to a tipping point of exceptional stress. Some couples, unfortunately, don’t make it through this trying time. Here’s what I think that looks like in this 3-legged race analogy:
Coping with Crutches
Have you ever had to use crutches? Crutches can be an amazing tool when needed. They are sturdy and reliable. A tried and true way to keep an individual moving forward without having to put weight on an injured leg. Over time, your arms might even get stronger using crutches. And, your armpits will get tougher — ouch! The ultimate goal is to not have to use the crutches long-term. Have you ever tried to use just one crutch? That can be a little tricker. Some people get really good at it, because they have to. But, it definitely starts out awkward and cumbersome.
As a couple trying to conceive, the stress and pressure of the TTC process can get overwhelming and compound over time. So, you have a choice! Grab a crutch and get through this difficult time as individuals. One crutch each, two crutches each, whatever you need. It could work very well, in fact! I’m not here to disparage crutches. You may end up getting stronger as individuals by using the tools and resources available to you. However, I’m curious about the potential strength and growth opportunity that approaching the TTC journey as experts in a 3-legged race might provide. What makes winning 3-legged race teams so successful?
Applying 3-Legged Race Strategies to TTC Couples
So, how can you approach the TTC journey as a 3-legged race team? Let’s break down the winning strategies from 3-legged races and see how they apply specifically to couples trying to conceive.
Coordination and Synchronization
The synchronization of movements in a 3-legged race is critical to avoid tripping. Similarly, in TTC, synchronization between partners is vital. This means aligning your efforts, schedules, and emotional states as much as possible. For example, tracking ovulation and fertility windows together can turn what might feel like a lonely task into a shared mission. It’s about being in step with each other—not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well.
TTC Communication
Just like in a 3-legged race, where constant communication is needed to maintain rhythm, open and honest communication is crucial in the TTC process. Discuss your feelings, frustrations, hopes, and fears regularly. Avoid letting resentment or misunderstandings fester. Create a safe space where both partners can express themselves without fear of judgment or dismissal.
Balance and Stability
Maintaining balance in a 3-legged race involves distributing weight evenly and supporting each other. In the context of TTC, balance might mean managing your expectations and emotions, supporting each other through disappointments, and celebrating small victories along the way. Stability comes from grounding yourselves in your relationship, remembering why you’re on this journey together, and not letting the stress of TTC throw you off course.
Pacing and boundaries while TTC
Winning teams find a steady pace that both partners can maintain. Similarly, it’s essential to establish a pace that works for both of you in the TTC journey. This might mean setting boundaries on how much you’re willing to invest emotionally, financially, and physically at each stage. Sometimes, taking a break to regroup and re-energize is necessary to keep from burning out.
Leg Tying Technique (Shared Resources and Responsibilities)
In a 3-legged race, how the legs are tied together can make a big difference. For TTC couples, this can be seen as how you share resources and responsibilities. Work together to manage appointments, medication schedules, and lifestyle adjustments. By sharing the load, you prevent one person from feeling overwhelmed, which can strain the relationship.
Practice & Learning Together
3-legged race teams often practice to improve their coordination. Similarly, TTC might require learning together, whether it’s understanding medical terms, fertility treatments, or exploring alternative options like adoption or surrogacy. The more you practice handling these conversations and decisions together, the more prepared you’ll be for the challenges ahead.
Trust and Confidence as a TTC Couple
Finally, trust is the foundation of any successful 3-legged race team. In TTC, trusting each other’s commitment to the process and having confidence in your relationship can provide a strong foundation. Trust that your partner is doing their best and is as invested in the journey as you are.
Footwear and Ground Awareness (Self-Care and Environment)
In a race, wearing the right footwear and being aware of the ground conditions can prevent tripping. For TTC couples, this means practicing good self-care and being mindful of your environment. Make sure you’re both taking care of your physical and mental health, and that you’re in a supportive environment that fosters your relationship and TTC efforts.
Consider Couples Therapy for TTC in St. Louis, MO
Doesn’t this seem like a potentially beautiful way to not only get through the TTC process, but also get stronger as a couple? No matter where your TTC journey takes you, becoming a stronger couple would be an ideal outcome. For a growing family, having a having a strong foundation is exceptionally important. So, it is my hope that you will lean on each other. Have strong communication. Use your resources. Have a clear and consistent of the “finish line”. And, win this “3-legged race” (your TTC experience) together. A skilled and compassionate couples therapist can help you figure out how to make this process work best for your relationship in couples therapy. If you live in St. Louis and are ready to improve your mental health, we are here to help. However, if you’d prefer to work through individual issues with a therapist online, we have online therapy in Missouri, online therapy in Illinois, and some online support groups starting soon!
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