By: Imanii Uwakwe, Marble Wellness Therapist in Chicago, IL
As a therapist in Chicago’s West Loop, I often hear things my clients share in common. One topic that shows up often in my therapy sessions is: “I don’t know how to set boundaries!” Have you felt that way?
It’s understandable to hear those things. But, that’s because I’m a therapist. I have expertise in this. Here’s why setting healthy boundaries makes sense, from the lens of a licensed mental health professional:
1. “I don’t want to be mean.”
Chicago women may worry that asserting their boundaries will lead to conflict or pushback from others. Perhaps, even damaging relationships or causing discomfort.
2. You have people-pleasing tendencies…
Do you focus on others’ needs and preferences over your own? Maybe you believe that saying no or setting boundaries will make you appear selfish or unkind? Some people fear disappointing or upsetting others by asserting their own needs. We all want to be liked and accepted by others! But, people-pleasers avoid setting boundaries to avoid potentially upsetting someone and losing their approval.
3. Low Self-Esteem
Individuals with low self-esteem may doubt whether or not they are worthy of having their needs met. Or, they may fear that being assertive with others will lead to criticism or judgment.
4. Fear of Change
Setting boundaries may require individuals to confront uncomfortable situations or make difficult decisions. Fear of change or uncertainty about the outcome can deter people from setting boundaries,
4 Ways a Chicago Therapist Encourages You to Consider Boundaries in a Positive Way
When I hear a client talk about boundaries and some of their fears behind them, here’s what I want them to know:
1. Boundaries do NOT make you a bad person.
It’s about setting healthy limits and creating a sense of autonomy. Healthy boundaries show self-awareness, respect for our own needs, and an understanding of your own limits.
2. Boundaries require effective communication.
Effective communication is key to setting and maintaining boundaries. Clearly and respectfully communicate your boundaries to others, and be open to listening to their boundaries as well. You don’t want to come off stern or like you are scolding the other person!
3. Boundaries foster healthy relationships.
Healthy boundaries promote honesty, trust, and mutual respect in relationships. Additionally, boundaries create a safe space for open communication and allow both parties to feel valued and understood. If someone does not respect your boundaries, you are better off letting that relationship end.
4. Boundaries are primarily for YOU.
Yes, boundaries may affect how others engage with you. However, their purpose is to empower you to take control of your own well-being and to protect your physical, emotional, and mental health.
Why is boundary-setting a positive thing?
I know it can be hard to try some of the ideas above. But, here are 3 positives you can expect from establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries:
- Healthier Relationships: Enforcing boundaries with people will create mutual respect and understanding. Healthier boundaries will also create a stronger foundation with yourself!
- Reduce Burnout: Boundaries can help you set boundaries around what you are able to do. This can, in turn, reduce or get rid of any resentment that may have come up for you.
- Increased Self-Confidence: With boundaries, you communicate to yourself and others about what you will/will not tolerate. Be assertive and value your needs and wants!
Yes, you may receive some push-back, but don’t let that sway your choice with boundaries: Be clear about what you want and put forth actions to follow! You deserve it.
Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships and personal well-being. They help individuals define their limits, protect their emotional and physical space, and clearly communicate their needs.
Even though it may be scary, these fears can be overcome! This usually involves developing self-awareness, practicing assertiveness skills, setting realistic expectations, and seeking support from trusted individuals or professionals. It’s something that will take practice and will not happen overnight. Always trust in yourself and your decisions. Boundaries are a good thing!
Start Therapy in Chicago’s West Loop
Ready to get started on establishing your boundaries? Putting healthy boundaries in place can also lead to less anxiety, depression, and burnout. If you live in Chicago and are ready to improve your ability to set boundaries, we are here to help. We’ve got convenient hours, a lovely therapy location in the West Loop, and of course, we’re happy to meet you virtually with online therapy in Chicago. Let us know how we can help YOU thrive.
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Additional Counseling Services at Marble Wellness in St. Louis, MO and Chicago, IL
Counseling services are designed to help set you on a path of living a more fulfilled, calm, and happy life.
St. Louis Therapy Services
Our St. Louis team of therapists has a variety of training backgrounds and areas of expertise. We specialize in anxiety, depression, grief, chronic illness, therapy for men, couples, and maternal overwhelm. Also, our practice also helps new moms with various postpartum concerns, moms in the thick of parenting, and moms with teens. We can also chat from wherever you are in the state with online therapy in Missouri and online therapy in Illinois. No matter where you are in your journey, we would love to support you.
Chicago’s West Loop Therapy
Our Chicago team of therapists offers a wide range of mental health services to help our clients through the different challenges and hurdles in their lives. In addition to anxiety, depression, grief, therapy for men, and maternal overwhelm, we specialize in professional burnout, therapy for breakups, and love partnering with working moms.
