Written by Kristi Machica, Marble Wellness Clinical Director & Therapist
“I want to feel more like myself.” Or “I don’t know who I am anymore.” These statements are common statements I hear in sessions at my practice from those seeking to understand themselves better. Caught up in the daily responsibilities of life it is easy to get into routine and just try to get through the day. But what does it truly mean to “feel more like oneself”? Identity is an often-misunderstood term, frequently defined by the various roles we play in life—wife, dad, employee, and so on. While these roles undoubtedly shape our actions and interactions, they fall short of describing the essence of who we are.
To truly grasp the concept of identity, we must look beyond these roles and dive into the qualities and characteristics that define us. It involves a journey of discovery, one that leads us to the very heart of who we are and what we hold as important and valuable in life. Identity allows us to live a life that feels true to self. It allows us to explore and develop the potential each of us has in life.
The Quest for Self-Discovery
Setting out on this journey requires introspection and considering a series of probing questions designed to unearth the varying aspects of our identity. Take some time to journal some of these questions. How do you feel after reflecting? Is there anything that surprises you? What if anything feels compelling or important to consider and hold as integral to who you are? Have these things changed as you have experienced life?
- What are your strengths? Reflect on the abilities that empower you to navigate life’s challenges and serve others.
- What makes you special and unique? Consider the traits that set you apart from the crowd.
- What values do you hold close? Think about the principles that guide your decisions and imagine life without them. What are you unwilling to give up?
- What are your core beliefs? Identify the convictions that help you stay balanced during times of uncertainty.
- What brings you joy? Recognize the sources of happiness that bring joy to your days.
- What are your passions? Acknowledge the people, places and activities that light your enthusiasm and drive.
The Influence of Past and Future
Our identity is also shaped by our past experiences and future aspirations. To look for these influences, one needs to consider their roots. A lot of our belief systems, values and norms are influenced by what was modeled for us. Our worldview is created based on these experiences and it often dictates what we expect from others and for ourselves. It shapes what we value and strive for in life. Again, take some time to journal and reflect on:
- Past Influences:
- Who were the integral figures in your life, and how have they molded you?
- How has your cultural background influenced who you are, what you believe and what you hold as priorities or values?
- Which experiences have sculpted your worldview, how and why?
- What accomplishments fill you with pride?
- Future Aspirations:
- What dreams do you pursue in moments of quiet or what drives you to move forward in life?
- How do you define success, and what steps are you taking to achieve it?
The Fluidity of Identity
It’s crucial to remember that identity is not static; it’s fluid and evolves as we experience life and new interactions and people enter our world. These new interactions can shift our priorities, and fresh experiences can lead to unexpected joys and passions. This fluidity allows us to grow and adapt, to redefine ourselves as we move through life. Growth is often seen during times of challenge. There is a tendency to avoid this because it is uncomfortable. I want to challenge you to sit with discomfort, allow it to be and to explore what it means for you. These feelings, though they can be hard, allow us to understand ourselves, our needs and what might need to shift to feel truly authentic.
The Importance of Understanding Identity
Developing a deep understanding of our identity is more than an exercise in fun. It has multiple levels of importance. It fosters self-awareness, which allows us to comprehend our emotions and decision-making processes. This in turn allows us to make healthy and informed decisions instead of letting emotions drive the decisions and interactions we are involved in. It fuels motivation, nurtures healthy relationships, and provides a sense of feeling grounded. These allow us to move through life with purpose and engage in what matters to us. Most importantly, it helps us find a community that aligns with our values and that supports us on our journey.
Often this work can feel overwhelming and challenging to find direction with this newfound awareness. A therapist is a fantastic source of support during this time. Therapy can help you to understand and gain awareness of yourself, help you explore how you feel about it and explore opportunities for growth. Having someone there to explore these feelings allows for greater understanding, self-efficacy in making changes that feel authentic and exploring opportunities for ways to implement
Start Therapy for Better Mental Health in St. Louis
To “feel more like myself” is to participate in self-discovery. It allows us to embrace the traits and unique qualities that make us who we are. As we continue to explore and understand our identity, we allow for the potential to live authentically and fully. It allows us to live a life that feels true to ourselves, to live our identity. If you live in St. Louis, or anywhere in Missouri and are ready to improve your mental health, we are here to help.
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Additional Counseling Services at Marble Wellness in St. Louis, MO and Chicago, IL
Counseling services are designed to help set you on a path of living a more fulfilled, calm, and happy life.
St. Louis
Our St. Louis team of therapists has a variety of training backgrounds and areas of expertise. We specialize in anxiety, depression, grief, chronic illness, therapy for men, couples, and maternal overwhelm. Our practice also helps new moms with various postpartum concerns, moms in the thick of parenting, and moms with teens. We can also chat from wherever you are in the state with online therapy in Missouri and online therapy in Illinois. No matter where you are in your journey, we would love to support you.
Chicago
Our Chicago team of therapists offers a wide range of mental health services to help our clients through the different challenges and hurdles in their lives. In addition to anxiety, depression, grief, therapy for men, and maternal overwhelm, we specialize in professional burnout, therapy for breakups, and love partnering with working moms.
