It’s Valentine’s Day and…you just had a breakup. The universe’s sense of humor is not humorous to you. You haven’t even usually cared about Valentine’s Day–both in your single eras and your relationship eras–but V-Day in the breakup era hits differently.
You may be feeling deeply overwhelmed, or you may be feeling pretty numb. You may be experiencing anxiety, or you may feel like you’re on autopilot.
Wherever on the emotional spectrum you find yourself, you know you want to find some words of comfort about how to deal with this feeling (anyone else cueing “What Is This Feeling?” from Wicked here? No? Just me? Got it.)
Well, you may be feeling unlucky in love right now, but you’re lucky in the blogosphere because the Marble Wellness therapy team has you covered. Grab a comforting blanket and we’ll dive in. We’ll cover ways you can hijack your brain (you’re probably not having your favorite thoughts right now), how you can pass the time in not-so-painful ways, and how to find hope that you’ll be okay again.
Hijacking Your Thoughts: Breaking the Cycle of Negative Thinking
First things first: your brain is probably not being your best friend right now. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or downright numb, your mind might be cycling through all sorts of negative thoughts, self-doubt, and, unfortunately, painful memories. It’s like your brain’s stuck on a loop of “What went wrong?” or “Was it me?” or “What am I supposed to do now?” Sound familiar?
While it’s normal for your thoughts to feel chaotic after a breakup, the good news is, you can interrupt that cycle. (Whether it’s Valentine’s Day or not!) One tool we use in therapy for breakups is the practice of “cognitive reframing,” which sounds fancy, but it’s really just about learning to catch those negative thoughts and replace them with more balanced or helpful ones. The key here is to be aware when those thoughts pop up and ask yourself, “Is this thought helping me right now?” If the answer is no, then gently challenge it. For example, if you’re thinking, “I’ll never find someone again,” challenge that thought with, “This breakup is painful, but this is not the end of my story.” You might not believe it yet, but practicing this over time can start to shift how your brain operates.
The goal is not to immediately feel better, but to allow yourself to begin the process of finding peace amidst the storm of thoughts. This is a core part of how therapy for breakups helps clients—creating the space to make new mental habits and break free from that autopilot mode.
How to Pass the Time Without Getting Lost in the Pain
Breakups are hard enough, but when it happens on Valentine’s Day (or any other holiday), the world around you might feel extra overwhelming. Suddenly, everything you see feels like a reminder of what’s missing. Heart-shaped everything, lovey-dovey posts on social media, couples in restaurants—it’s like the universe is trolling you.
So, how do you get through the day without getting too lost in those feelings? First off, it’s okay to acknowledge how hard it is. Don’t suppress your feelings just because everyone around you seems to be doing fine. That’s why mindfulness techniques come in handy, like deep breathing or grounding exercises. In therapy, we often talk about practicing mindfulness to stay present in the moment instead of getting stuck in future worries or past regrets.
For example, try a simple grounding exercise where you focus on the physical sensations around you. “What do I feel?”, “What do I hear?” and, “What do I see?” By focusing on your senses, you can momentarily shift your focus away from those heart-wrenching thoughts and back to the present. This helps you avoid spiraling into negative emotions.
Another way to manage the time is by getting involved in an activity you enjoy. It doesn’t have to be some grand distraction—sometimes it’s the small things that make a big difference. Take a walk, bake something sweet (comfort food, anyone?), watch a favorite movie, or call up a friend who knows exactly how to cheer you up. These little acts of self-care can give you a much-needed break from the emotional weight of the breakup.
How to Find Hope: You Will Be Okay
Now, this part might be the hardest to believe—especially if you’re feeling the weight of heartache as you read this—but I’m here to tell you that you will be okay. The healing process takes time, but it is entirely possible to move through it and come out stronger on the other side. When you’re in the middle of the pain, it can feel like it will last forever. But the reality is that breakups offer the potential for growth, reflection, and ultimately, a new sense of self.
Therapy for breakups is an incredible way to help facilitate this process. As your therapist, I’m not going to rush you through your grief. Instead, we’ll focus on healing at your own pace, helping you identify new patterns and possibilities for your future. There’s hope in learning to trust yourself again—your heart, your choices, and your strength to move forward, even when it feels impossible.
If you’re in the greater St. Louis area and struggling with a breakup, remember that you’re not alone in your feelings. There’s support available, and it’s okay to ask for help, Valentine’s Day or not. Therapy offers a safe space to process your emotions, develop strategies for moving forward, and ultimately heal in a way that feels right for you.
You’re Not Alone, and You’re Not Stuck
Valentine’s Day might not be the “happy holiday” it used to be this year, but this too shall pass. As you move through the breakup, remember that it’s okay to feel all of your emotions—the sadness, the anger, the confusion, and even the hope. Healing isn’t linear, and you deserve the time and space to work through your feelings without rushing. Whether you’re reflecting on your past relationship or figuring out what comes next, know that you’re doing the work, and that’s something worth celebrating.
So grab that comforting blanket, take a deep breath, and know that in time, the heartache will ease, and a new chapter will begin—one where you’re stronger, wiser, and more aligned with the person you’re meant to be. You’ve got this. And if you need a little extra support, therapy for breakups is always here for you.
Start Mental Health Therapy in the St. Louis Area
If you live in the St. Louis metro area and are ready to improve your mental health, our expert St. Louis therapists are here to help. It doesn’t even have to be Valentine’s Day. Not only do we have a team of therapists in Ballwin, MO, but we have also recently expanded to serve the Lake St. Louis and Wentzville area! Reach out to our Client Care Coordinator today to discuss your therapy options, both in-person and online.
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Our counseling services are designed to help set you on a path of living a more fulfilled, calm, and happy life. Our incredible team of STL-based therapists has a variety of training backgrounds and areas of expertise. We specialize in anxiety, depression, grief, chronic illness, therapy for men, couples, and maternal overwhelm. Our practice also helps new moms with various postpartum concerns, moms in the thick of parenting, and moms with teens. We can also chat from wherever you are in the state with online therapy in Missouri. No matter where you are in your mental health journey, we would love to support you.
