Valentine’s Day is upon us, and if you’ve recently gone through a breakup, the holiday can feel like a minefield.
People are talking about love everywhere and meanwhile you’re feeling out of place and going through hell. There are ways to get through this day in one piece though, even if your heart is broken and you’re just barely getting by.
Here are some tips from a St. Louis Therapists for surviving the day after a breakup, and maybe even preparing yourself for a fresh start.
1. Avoid Comparing Yourself To Others:
Valentine’s Day is the prime time for annoying Facebook posts about loving relationships and uncomfortable public displays of affection. If you’re watching this behavior from the perspective of a recent breakup, these demonstrations of love may make you feel like you’ve failed.
But don’t forget, this is the day people highlight love. You never know what those relationships look like the other 364 days of the year. That couple making out in front of the bank might have been screaming at each other in Ikea a few days ago.
Some couples might just legitimately be in love and excited to show it. But the point is that whatever perfection people present on Valentine’s Day, you shouldn’t measure yourself against it. Almost nothing is as perfect as it looks, and getting down on yourself because that isn’t your life is only going to make you feel worse. It’s okay to have goals, but don’t make yourself feel lesser than others because of where you’re at in terms of relationships.
2. Let Yourself Feel What You’re Feeling:
There’s an unspoken agreement that people who are single on Valentine’s Day will either sit on the couch eating ice cream and crying, or they’ll be completely unaffected by the whole holiday. Like most either-or statements, this one is oversimplified. Grieving a relationship is a process, and wherever you’re at when Valentine’s Day comes around is where you need to be. If you’re furious, punch a pillow. If you’re heartbroken and devastated, don’t fight it. Heck, go grab your ice cream and watch a movie. So what if it’s a stereotype? Ice cream is delicious.
3. Remember That This Will Pass:
It’s a cliche, I know. And it might sound dismissive. But it’s the truth. With time, the pain of a breakup will ease, even if it never goes away. You will eventually be able to start looking forward again. It might take months, or even years. And you have to go through the emotions before you can move past them. But eventually your pain won’t weigh you down like this.
It doesn’t mean you have to disregard your pain, and it doesn’t mean that you need to just ‘get over it’. What it means is that even through your pain you can tell yourself that you won’t feel like this forever. There is hope in front of you. So just hold on until you get there.
4. Care For Yourself:
You might be worried you’ve got nothing to do on Valentine’s Day because you’ve just broken up with your significant other. But, friend, you’ve got tons to do. It’s important you care for yourself, especially if Valentine’s Day is really hurting you.
Engage in self-care after a breakup. Usually this means doing proactive tasks to improve your quality of life. And you need to do that, too, but this is also the time to do the self-care from the magazines.. Rent a movie. Take a bath. Eat cake in your pajamas in your bed. Combine treating yourself and caring for yourself.
You should also do the other self-care, too. Make sure you get enough sleep, and try to get out at some point during the day to take a walk. Fresh air and movement will do a lot to boost your mental health. Be sure you eat; skipping meals won’t make you feel better. And let yourself do some processing if you’re in the right headspace for it. You deserve to be treated well whether you’re in a relationship or not.
5. Remember There Are Many Kinds Of Love:
You might have just lost the love of your life. But you don’t have to make romantic love the focus of this day. Think about the other people you have in your life that you treasure. Think about your relationships with your friends or your family, and take note of the ways the people in your life have loved you and how you love them in return. You can send them cards, or give them gifts. Valentine’s Day is a day we can be close with anyone we love in any kind of way. You don’t have to be alone just because you don’t have a partner; find someone you care about and spend the day with them.
It’s never going to be easy or fun to navigate Valentine’s Day after a breakup. But these tips will help you manage it even if you’re not exactly enjoying it.
Remember most that you have value and that your relationship status doesn’t define you in any way.
Be kind to yourself, and remember that you are going to get through this with your own strength and the help from your support system.
Consider setting an appointment here in St. Louis with a therapist at Marble Wellness if you need somewhere to process your feelings. One of the therapists on our team will support you through your grief and loss, and help you look to the future. We are here for you, on Valentine’s Day or any other day of the year. If you want to get in touch, contact us through our website and we will get you connected with the support you need.
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