Hi mommas,
We’ve been thinking about you a lot. (We = our team of STL therapists.) Sometimes we write blogs based on what we’re hearing a lot about in session. This is one of those.
It’s one that isn’t necessarily seasonal. And it’s not infrequent. And we’re saying that because we really want to help you minimize that mom guilt if you feel this other thing…the longing for escape. Also called “escapism.”
For many moms, especially those in the throes of intense caregiving, the concept of “disappearing” into another world can feel like a lifesaver. Whether it’s scrolling through social media, diving into a fantasy novel, or hitting “next episode” on a true-crime podcast, these forms of escapism offer a temporary, often much-needed mental break from the pressures of motherhood.
But what drives this urge to escape, and when does it cross the line from harmless fun to something more concerning?
Escapism is common and natural, especially for mothers who may feel overwhelmed, burnt out, or under-supported. The constant demands of parenting, household management, and work can create a pressure-cooker effect, leaving moms looking for any outlet to decompress. And while a brief escape can provide relief, when escapism becomes a regular retreat from reality, it may signal an unmet need for balance, support, or self-care.
Why Escapism Happens: Unmet Needs and Burnout in Motherhood
Motherhood is full of unexpected changes, many of which can feel isolating. One of the biggest reasons moms turn to escapism is because they feel unheard, overwhelmed, or disconnected from their sense of self. For some, the need to escape might stem from unspoken or unacknowledged needs. New moms, in particular, often haven’t updated their idea of what they need to feel well and balanced—leading to feelings of burnout or even “losing themselves” in caregiving responsibilities.
Burnout happens when a mom’s resources are constantly being drained without opportunities to replenish them. In two-parent households, unbalanced responsibilities can add another layer of strain, especially if one partner carries the majority of caregiving and household duties. And in a different but also straining way, that exists in single-parent households as well, where the responsibilities can’t be balanced with another partner. Many moms struggle with sensory overload from being constantly “on” for their children, with little chance to reset. When boundaries and support are lacking, escapism can feel like the only option.
When Escapism Becomes a Coping Mechanism
A bit of “me time” is essential for all parents, but when a mom finds herself regularly getting lost in fantasy worlds, screen time, or endlessly scrolling, it’s often a sign that her reality feels unsustainable. There’s nothing wrong with diving into a favorite series or scrolling through BookTok for recommendations, but if these escapes become a daily retreat from overwhelming feelings, they can keep moms from addressing the underlying issues driving the need for escapism.
Social media rabbit holes, true crime podcasts, or screen “hypnosis” can offer an easy escape but may leave moms feeling even more disconnected and dissatisfied afterward. There’s a delicate balance between enjoying a little downtime and using these escapes to avoid the difficult emotions or stress of daily life. A big part of finding this balance lies in uncovering the unmet needs beneath the surface.
How Therapy Can Help: Reconnecting, Rebalancing, and Redefining Needs
Therapy provides a safe space for moms to explore these feelings and identify the deeper reasons behind their need to escape. Working with a maternal mental health therapist, moms can:
- Reassess Their Needs: Often, escapism arises because moms have unaddressed needs that go unacknowledged or unmet. Therapy can help moms reconnect with themselves and redefine what they need to feel supported, happy, and balanced in this stage of life.
- Develop Healthy Coping Strategies: Rather than relying on escapism, moms can work with a therapist to develop coping skills that address the root cause of their stress. From grounding techniques to mindfulness exercises, therapy can introduce practical ways to handle daily challenges without feeling the need to “disappear.”
- Set Boundaries and Improve Communication: For moms in two-parent households, escapism can sometimes reflect an imbalance in responsibilities. Therapy can be a place to practice setting healthy boundaries, communicate needs to a partner, and develop a shared approach to household tasks and caregiving.
- Rediscover Their Sense of Self: For many moms, the urge to escape reflects a feeling of “losing themselves” in the demands of parenting. Therapy offers moms a chance to reconnect with their identity outside of motherhood, helping them to rediscover hobbies, passions, or interests that bring genuine fulfillment—no escape required.
- Address Feelings of Guilt and Shame: Escapism can sometimes bring guilt, as moms worry they’re “checking out” or that their children deserve more attention. Therapy provides a nonjudgmental space to unpack these feelings, helping moms to move forward with compassion and balance.
Reclaiming the Present Without Needing to Escape
Ultimately, the goal of therapy isn’t to eliminate escapism but to help moms reach a place where they feel content and supported in their reality. Escapism doesn’t have to be a way of avoiding life—it can instead be a temporary breather, a small way of refreshing before returning to the present moment. By identifying and meeting their needs, moms can feel empowered to live fully in the here and now without the constant urge to step away.
Start Therapy for Moms in St. Louis
Therapy gives moms the chance to reclaim their experience of motherhood, so they no longer feel overwhelmed or unheard. With support from a maternal mental health therapist, moms can learn how to thrive in their roles and build a balanced, fulfilling life where escapism is no longer a necessity, but a choice.
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Additional Counseling Services at Marble Wellness in St. Louis, MO
Our counseling services are designed to help set you on a path of living a more fulfilled, calm, and happy life. Our incredible team of STL based therapists has a variety of training backgrounds and areas of expertise. We specialize in anxiety, depression, grief, chronic illness, therapy for men, couples, and maternal overwhelm. Our practice also helps new moms with various postpartum concerns, moms in the thick of parenting, and moms with teens. We can also chat from wherever you are in the state with online therapy in Missouri. No matter where you are in your mental health journey, we would love to support you.
