The holiday season isn’t just about decking the halls and wrapping gifts—it kicks off well before Christmas, starting with Halloween’s spooky fun and rolling into Thanksgiving’s feast. And let’s not forget, in a city like St. Louis, there are plenty of local events and traditions to consider, from Boo at the Zoo to the Polar Express Train Ride at Union Station.
While the holidays bring excitement, they can also bring a fair share of stress—especially for couples trying to juggle their own plans, family obligations, and social gatherings. Between costume parties, family dinners, and everything in between, it’s easy to feel like you’re running a seasonal marathon.
As a couples therapist in West St. Louis County, I’ve seen firsthand how navigating the holidays can either bring couples closer or cause tension if communication falls through. But with a little planning and a lot of understanding, you and your partner can not only survive but thrive through this festive time. Let’s talk about how to navigate this busy season as a team—starting with honoring each other’s plans and ending with some much-needed budget talk.
Honor Each Other’s Plans (And Be Open to Compromise as a Couple)
Let’s face it: you’re both going to have different events and traditions that mean something to you. Maybe your partner has their annual work party that they never miss, while you’ve always had a close-knit friends’ holiday gathering. And then, there’s family—oh, the family traditions! Sometimes these overlap or conflict, and that’s when things can get tricky.
The key here is to approach these situations with open communication and respect for each other’s needs and wants. Sit down together and go over the holiday schedule early. Talk about the events you’d like to attend and why they’re important to you. Maybe there’s some give and take involved, and that’s okay! Compromise doesn’t mean one of you is losing out; it means both of you are working toward a solution that feels balanced.
If your partner has an event that doesn’t particularly excite you, consider attending to show support, or if it’s something you’d prefer to skip, suggest they go solo. It’s not about doing everything together; it’s about honoring each other’s social commitments and finding balance.
Make Time for Each Other as a Couple
With a packed holiday calendar, it’s easy for couples to get lost in the shuffle of social obligations. Between work parties, family dinners, and outings with friends, suddenly your calendar looks like a game of Tetris, and none of the pieces seem to fit just right. It’s essential to carve out time just for the two of you—no work, no friends, no family, just you and your partner.
This could mean setting aside a day to do something holiday-themed together—like ice skating, looking at holiday lights, or having a cozy night in with holiday movies and hot cocoa. The activity itself isn’t as important as the intention behind it. Making space for each other during a busy season sends a clear message: “We’re a priority.”
Dividing Time Between Families
Ah, the age-old dilemma of “Whose family are we spending the holidays with this year?” For many couples, this is a source of tension. Maybe one family lives nearby and expects to see you every year, while the other is out of town. Or maybe one family’s holiday traditions are big and elaborate, while the others are more low-key. Navigating these differences requires thoughtful conversation and, once again, compromise.
Start by discussing what feels fair to both of you. If you both have strong ties to your families’ traditions, try alternating holidays or dividing time between both families. For example, you might spend Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with the other. Or, if possible, split the holiday itself—Christmas Eve with one side and Christmas Day with the other. Be open to getting creative!
And don’t forget, it’s okay to set boundaries with your families. If traveling to see both sides in one day feels exhausting, it’s okay to say no or propose a different plan. The holidays shouldn’t leave you feeling like you’ve just run a marathon.
Setting Expectations Around Holiday Budget
Let’s talk money—another big stressor during the holidays. Between gifts, travel, food, and festive activities, it’s easy for expenses to add up quickly. If you and your partner haven’t had a conversation about how much you’re comfortable spending, now is the time.
First, sit down together and discuss your holiday budget. What are your priorities? Are you buying gifts for just immediate family, or does your extended family expect presents too? What about your friends? Will you be traveling? It’s important to be realistic about what you can afford without putting yourselves under financial strain.
Once you’ve set a budget, stick to it. Having clear expectations around spending can help reduce stress and avoid misunderstandings. You might even come up with creative, budget-friendly gift ideas, like DIY gifts or planning experiences instead of buying things. The goal is to keep the focus on the meaning behind the gift, rather than the price tag.
Communicate About Traditions and Expectations
Every family has its own set of holiday traditions, and when two people come together, those traditions can sometimes clash. One of you might have grown up celebrating Christmas with a big family feast, while the other’s family kept things simpler. Maybe you have different religious or cultural backgrounds that influence how you view the holidays. These differences can sometimes lead to tension if not talked about openly.
Have a conversation about what the holidays mean to each of you. What are the traditions you absolutely want to keep? Are there new ones you’d like to start together? Remember, this is an opportunity to blend your traditions and create new ones as a couple.
Being on the same page about what’s important to you both will help you navigate the season with fewer surprises or disappointments. If one partner is expecting a quiet, intimate holiday while the other wants to invite everyone over for a big party, that’s a discussion worth having early on.
Be Mindful of Stress Levels (Yours and Your Partner’s)
The holiday season is magical, but it’s also exhausting. The endless to-do lists, the pressure to make everything perfect, and the constant socializing can wear anyone down. It’s important to keep an eye on your own stress levels—and be mindful of your partner’s as well.
Check in with each other throughout the season. If one of you is feeling overwhelmed, talk about it. Maybe there are events or obligations that can be skipped, or perhaps it’s time to schedule some rest days. Don’t let the pressure of the season steal your joy.
Remember What’s Most Important
At the end of the day, the holidays are about connection—whether that’s with your partner, your family, your friends, or even yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle, but remember to take a step back and ask yourself, “What do I want this season to feel like?”
When you approach the holidays as a team, with open communication, mutual respect, and a little bit of flexibility, you’re more likely to emerge from the season feeling closer and more connected. And isn’t that what the holidays are really about?
Start Couples Therapy or Marriage Counseling in St. Louis
By working together to manage holiday stress and find compromise, you can strengthen your bond, enhance your communication, and rediscover the joy of the season as a couple. Open discussions about expectations, shared responsibilities, and mutual support can create a more harmonious holiday experience for both partners. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of the season or struggling to find common ground, consider reaching out to a couples therapist at Marble Wellness in West St. Louis County for guidance and support. Remember, it’s never too late to realign your holiday priorities and create the festive, loving atmosphere you both desire. Take the first step towards a more balanced and joyful holiday season by prioritizing your relationship and seeking couples therapy or marriage counseling today.
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