Bringing a child into the world is undoubtedly one of life’s greatest joys and most profound blessings. Amidst the excitement and anticipation of parenthood, it’s important to acknowledge the significant impact parenthood can have on a marriage. Couples may enter into parenthood with the best intentions and careful planning. But, the reality of raising children often presents unexpected challenges and strains on the relationship. One of our specialties at Marble Wellness is Couples & Marriage Counseling. So, we’ve witnessed firsthand the unique hardships and adjustments that couples face as they navigate the journey of parenthood together.
In this blog, we’ll explore the various ways in which becoming parents can affect a marriage. Then, we’ll discuss strategies for maintaining a strong and healthy relationship amidst the demands of raising children. Already feeling overwhelmed? Reach out to our expert team of STL therapists today.
Common issues couples may face when they have children:
While the exact relationship issues parents deal with when they first have children vary, there seems to be a general theme: mismanaged expectations. This is no one’s fault, but it is a reality of the season of life folks are in. Let’s dive a little deeper into some of the most common issues couples face when becoming parents.
Division of Family and Household Responsibilities:
The arrival of a child often necessitates a reevaluation of household duties and childcare responsibilities. Couples may struggle to establish equitable divisions of labor, leading to feelings of resentment or imbalance in the relationship.
Lack of Quality Time as a Couple:
Parenting demands can consume much of a couple’s time and energy, leaving little room for nurturing their relationship. Couples may find themselves feeling disconnected or neglecting their emotional bond amidst the hustle and bustle of parenthood.
Communication Breakdown:
The stress and exhaustion of parenting can strain communication between partners. Misunderstandings may arise, and conflicts may escalate as couples struggle to effectively express their needs and emotions.
Intimacy Issues:
Physical and emotional intimacy often take a backseat after the birth of a child. Sleep deprivation, body image concerns, and shifting priorities can dampen romantic feelings and lead to a decline in intimacy between partners.
Financial Stress:
The financial strain associated with raising children, such as childcare costs, education expenses, and reduced income due to parental leave, can place added pressure on couples. Financial disagreements may arise, contributing to marital tension.
These are just a few examples of the issues that couples may encounter when navigating parenthood together. It’s essential for couples to recognize these challenges and seek expert therapy and support when needed to maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship while raising children.
Even if you recognize that you and your partner are facing some challenges in your relationship since becoming parents, it can be hard to “get on the same page.” That can be even more frustrating–you feel like you’ve recognized the issue, so why can you quickly fix it? Before continuing to feel frustrated, let us help you gain some insight into these mismatched expectations.
Why is it So Hard for Couples to Get “On the Same Page” About Parenting Once Kids Have Arrived?
Honestly, there are so many varying reasons it might be difficult for couples to align when navigating a growing family. These have to do with our childhoods, communication styles, expectations, assumptions, and more. Let’s explore a few of these reasons further.
Differing Upbringings:
Each partner may have been raised with different parenting styles, values, and beliefs. These differences can lead to conflicting approaches to parenting, as each partner may instinctively rely on the methods they were exposed to during childhood.
Role Expectations:
Couples may have different expectations about the roles and responsibilities of parents within the family. Traditional gender roles, societal pressures, and cultural norms can influence partners’ perceptions of their roles as parents, leading to disagreements about who should handle specific tasks or make important decisions.
Communication Barriers:
Effective communication is essential for aligning parenting strategies, but couples may struggle to communicate openly and honestly about their parenting preferences, concerns, and expectations. Miscommunication or lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings and disagreements about how to raise their children.
Parenting Stress:
The demands and responsibilities of parenting can create stress and tension within the relationship. Sleepless nights, constant caregiving duties, and the challenges of managing a household with children can leave little time and energy for couples to discuss and negotiate their parenting approaches.
Lack of Support:
Couples may feel isolated or unsupported in their parenting journey, particularly if they lack access to resources or community networks that provide guidance and encouragement. Without external support, couples may struggle to find common ground and may feel overwhelmed by the demands of parenting.
Overall, navigating the complexities of parenting requires couples to communicate effectively, understand each other’s perspectives, and work together as a team. It’s essential for couples to prioritize their relationship and actively seek support to address any challenges they encounter in their parenting journey.
How to get on the same page with your spouse about parenting:
When couples find themselves in a place of tension and conflict due to differing parenting styles, it’s essential to employ strategies that promote understanding, compromise, and collaboration. Here are some tips from a STL couples therapist who helps new parents navigate this transitional time in a relationship.
Open Communication:
Encourage open and honest communication about parenting values, beliefs, and goals. Create a safe space where both partners can express their perspectives without judgment or criticism. Active listening and empathy are key to understanding each other’s concerns and finding common ground.
Seek Compromise:
Recognize that parenting is a partnership and requires compromise. Instead of viewing differences in parenting styles as obstacles, see them as opportunities to learn from each other and find creative solutions that blend both perspectives. Brainstorm together and find middle ground that honors both partners’ values and preferences.
Focus on Shared Goals:
Identify shared parenting goals and priorities as a couple. What values do you want to instill in your children? What are your long-term aspirations for their development and well-being? Keeping these shared goals in mind can help couples stay aligned and unified in their approach to parenting, even when facing disagreements
Respect Each Other’s Strengths:
Acknowledge and appreciate each other’s strengths as parents. Recognize that each partner brings unique qualities, experiences, and skills to the parenting dynamic. Instead of focusing on differences, celebrate the diversity in your parenting styles and find ways to complement each other’s strengths.
Seek Professional Support:
Consider seeking guidance from a couples therapist or a family counselor who specializes in parenting issues. A neutral third party can help facilitate productive conversations, mediate conflicts, and provide strategies for improving communication and collaboration in parenting.
Practice Patience and Empathy:
Parenting is a journey, and it’s okay to make mistakes along the way. Practice patience and empathy towards yourself and your partner as you navigate the challenges of parenting together. Be willing to forgive and learn from past disagreements, and focus on moving forward as a united team.
By implementing these strategies and prioritizing collaboration and understanding, couples can work through their differences in parenting styles and create a harmonious and supportive environment for raising their children. Remember that parenting is a shared responsibility, and by working together, couples can foster a strong and resilient family dynamic.
Can couples therapy make things better for new parents?
A couples therapist can play a crucial role in helping couples navigate the complexities of parenting and address conflicts stemming from differing parenting styles. Here are some of the ways a couples therapist in West County can help couples navigate new parenthood.
Facilitating Communication:
A therapist provides a safe and neutral space for couples to express their concerns, frustrations, and desires regarding parenting. Through structured communication exercises and guided conversations, couples can learn to communicate effectively, listen to each other’s perspectives, and validate each other’s experiences.
Identifying Underlying Issues:
Sometimes, disagreements about parenting styles are symptomatic of deeper issues within the relationship, such as unresolved conflicts, communication breakdowns, or unmet needs. A therapist helps couples identify and address these underlying issues, fostering greater understanding and empathy between partners.
Exploring Parenting Values:
Couples therapists assist partners in exploring their individual parenting values, beliefs, and goals. By clarifying and understanding each other’s values, couples can identify areas of overlap and divergence, paving the way for constructive dialogue and compromise.
Developing Co-Parenting Strategies:
Therapists work collaboratively with couples to develop co-parenting strategies that honor both partners’ perspectives while promoting the well-being of their children. This may involve creating parenting plans, establishing consistent routines, and setting clear boundaries and expectations.
Building Empathy and Understanding:
Through empathy-building exercises and perspective-taking activities, couples therapists help partners develop a deeper understanding of each other’s parenting styles and motivations. This fosters empathy and compassion, reducing judgment and criticism within the relationship.
Enhancing Conflict Resolution Skills:
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but it’s how couples manage and resolve conflicts that matters most. Therapists teach couples effective conflict resolution skills, such as active listening, compromise, and problem-solving techniques. These skills empower couples to address parenting disagreements constructively and respectfully.
Promoting Teamwork and Unity:
Ultimately, couples therapy aims to promote teamwork and unity in parenting. Therapists encourage couples to view themselves as a team with a shared goal of nurturing and supporting their children. By fostering a sense of partnership and collaboration, therapists help couples overcome parenting challenges and strengthen their bond as co-parents.
Overall, couples therapy provides a supportive and constructive environment for couples to address parenting issues, improve communication, and cultivate a harmonious co-parenting dynamic. With the guidance of a skilled therapist, couples can navigate the complexities of parenting with greater confidence, empathy, and unity.
When is it time to see a couples therapist in St. Louis about these issues?
People may often try to “fix it” on their own, so how would someone know to call a professional? Knowing when to seek couples therapy can be challenging, as many couples may attempt to resolve issues on their own before considering professional help. However, there are a few clear scenarios in which we believe it is important to get the support of a trained therapist.
Divergent Parenting Styles:
When partners have fundamentally different approaches to parenting, it can lead to frequent disagreements and conflicts. For example, one parent may prioritize discipline and structure, while the other emphasizes nurturing and flexibility. These differences can create tension and confusion for children and strain the relationship between partners.
Disagreements Over Discipline:
Conflicts over discipline strategies, such as punishment, rewards, or setting limits, can arise when partners have differing views on effective parenting practices. If disagreements about discipline become frequent or escalate into arguments, it may be a sign that professional intervention is needed to find common ground and develop a cohesive parenting approach.
Role Strain and Resentment:
The division of parenting responsibilities, such as childcare duties, household chores, and financial support, can lead to feelings of imbalance and resentment between partners. If one partner feels overwhelmed or unsupported in their parenting role, it can strain the relationship and create conflicts that require resolution through couples therapy.
Parent-Child Conflict:
When conflicts between parents and children become a source of tension in the relationship, it may indicate underlying issues that need to be addressed. For example, disagreements over discipline, boundaries, or communication with children can escalate into conflicts between partners and impact the overall dynamics of the family.
Stress and Burnout:
The demands of parenting, especially when coupled with other stressors such as work or financial pressure, can take a toll on partners’ mental health and well-being. If partners are experiencing high levels of stress, exhaustion, or burnout related to parenting responsibilities, it may be beneficial to seek couples therapy to explore coping strategies and support each other through challenging times.
Lack of Quality Time Together as a Couple:
Parenting demands can sometimes overshadow the couple’s relationship, leading to a lack of quality time spent together as partners. If partners feel disconnected or neglected in their relationship due to parenting responsibilities, it can strain the bond between them and require intervention to prioritize their connection and emotional intimacy.
Impact of Past Trauma or Family History:
Issues related to past trauma, unresolved family dynamics, or childhood experiences can resurface in the context of parenting and impact the couple’s relationship. If partners are struggling to navigate these issues or find themselves repeating harmful patterns from their own upbringing, couples therapy can provide a safe space to explore and address these underlying challenges.
Conflicts related to parenting styles, discipline, role strain, parent-child dynamics, stress and burnout, lack of quality time together, and past trauma or family history can all indicate that it’s a good time for couples to seek therapy. A couples therapist can help partners navigate these challenges, strengthen their relationship, and create a supportive and nurturing environment for their family.
Does therapy make you a better parent?
Well, of course we want to say “yes” to this one! But, here’s the reality: Couples therapy really does make you a better parent. Children benefit from a more stable and nurturing home environment, characterized by positive communication, conflict resolution, and emotional support from both parents. When the relationship between parents improves through couples counseling, it positively impacts the functioning of the entire family unit. Here’s how:
Stable and Nurturing Environment:
A healthier relationship between parents creates a more stable and nurturing home environment for children. When parents communicate effectively, resolve conflicts constructively, and support each other emotionally, children feel more secure and protected in their family environment. They are less likely to experience stress or anxiety related to parental discord.
Positive Role Modeling:
Children learn from observing their parents’ interactions and behaviors. When parents engage in positive communication and conflict resolution strategies learned in counseling, they serve as role models for healthy relationships. Children are more likely to emulate these behaviors in their own relationships and interactions with others.
Emotional Security:
A harmonious relationship between parents fosters emotional security in children. When parents demonstrate mutual respect, empathy, and support, children feel valued and loved. They are more likely to develop strong self-esteem and confidence, knowing that their emotional needs are met by both parents.
Improved Parent-Child Relationships:
As parents strengthen their relationship through counseling, they become better equipped to meet the needs of their children. They are more attuned to their children’s emotions, communicate more effectively with them, and provide a supportive and nurturing environment for their growth and development.
Reduced Family Conflict:
Couples counseling helps parents address underlying issues that contribute to family conflict and tension. As parents learn to manage their own emotions and communicate more effectively, conflicts within the family are minimized. This creates a more peaceful and harmonious family environment, where children can thrive and flourish.
Overall, improved family functioning resulting from couples counseling leads to numerous benefits for children. These can include emotional security, positive role modeling, improved parent-child relationships, and reduced family conflict. By prioritizing their relationship and seeking support to overcome challenges, parents create a loving and supportive family environment where children can thrive and reach their full potential.
Start Couples Therapy in St. Louis
Ultimately, couples who undergo counseling often report greater overall satisfaction with their relationship and family life. By addressing underlying issues, building healthier communication patterns, and strengthening their emotional connection, partners can experience increased happiness, fulfillment, and resilience in their relationship and family unit. Couples counseling in St. Louis can help you accomplish the above! Marble Wellness has several relationship and marriage therapists trained in the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy, so they can help you and your partner connect again. Reach out today to get started! If you live in St. Louis and are ready to level-up your parenting game, we are here for you.
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Additional Counseling Services at Marble Wellness in St. Louis, MO and Chicago, IL
Counseling services are designed to help set you on a path of living a more fulfilled, calm, and happy life.
St. Louis
Our St. Louis team of therapists has a variety of training backgrounds and areas of expertise. We specialize in anxiety, depression, grief, chronic illness, therapy for men, couples, and maternal overwhelm. Our practice also helps new moms with various postpartum concerns, moms in the thick of parenting, and moms with teens. We can also chat from wherever you are in the state with online therapy in Missouri and online therapy in Illinois. No matter where you are in your journey, we would love to support you.
Chicago
Our Chicago team of therapists offers a wide range of mental health services to help our clients through the different challenges and hurdles in their lives. In addition to anxiety, depression, grief, therapy for men, and maternal overwhelm, we specialize in professional burnout, therapy for breakups, and love partnering with working moms.
