Loneliness is absolutely something to be concerned about right now. Both for people who are single, and also for people in relationships.
One experience I’ve heard shared similarly by different people is this feeling of being surrounded by friends, family, & loved ones but still feeling isolated or alone. Specifically when there might be a disconnection or discord in the relationship between partners. This can look like physical closeness or proximity without intimacy. This can look like intimacy or sex for the sake of routine and familiarity without genuine connection. Then, this can feel like an emotional or communication chasm that causes silence or stilted conversations because of things left unsaid. Does any of this feel familiar?
Of course, major life transitions like having or preparing for a baby, raising children from one age and stage to another, a new job, a new house, a big move, the death of a family member or friend, becoming an empty nester, becoming a caregiver to aging parents, etc. – all of these things can absolutely cause or contribute to these experiences. It can also be a gradual eroding away of healthy communication. So, how do you instill or revitalize healthy communication as a couple?
Tips and Suggestions for Combating Loneliness as a Couple
Loneliness in a relationship can feel confusing and painful, but the good news is that it’s often a sign that your connection needs some intentional care and attention. The following tips are designed to help you and your partner rebuild intimacy, improve communication, and create a stronger emotional bond. These practical suggestions aren’t about quick fixes–they’re about fostering ongoing connection and understanding, even through life’s inevitable challenges.
1. Acknowledge the Loneliness Together
The first step toward healing loneliness in a relationship is to acknowledge it openly. It’s common to feel embarrassed or afraid to admit that you feel alone even when you’re with your partner. But sharing this feeling can be a powerful way to break down walls. Try saying something like, “I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected lately, and I want us to find ways to reconnect.” When both partners recognize the issue, it creates space for empathy and collaboration.
2. Prioritize Quality Time Without Distractions
In busy family and work lives, it’s easy to fall into routines where you’re physically together but mentally elsewhere-phones, TV, work stress. Schedule regular “couple time” where you focus solely on each other. This doesn’t have to be elaborate; even a 20-minute walk or a quiet dinner without screens can foster connection. The key is presence and attention.
3. Practice Vulnerable Communication
Loneliness often grows from unspoken feelings and unmet needs. Practice sharing your emotions honestly but gently, using “I” statements to express how you feel without blaming your partner. For example, “I feel lonely when we don’t talk about our day” rather than “You never listen to me.” Vulnerability invites vulnerability and deepens intimacy.
4. Revisit Physical Intimacy with Intention
Physical closeness is important, but when it becomes routine or disconnected from emotional intimacy, it can feel hollow. Talk openly about your needs, desires, and boundaries. Explore ways to make intimacy more meaningful-whether that means slowing down, trying new things, or simply holding hands and cuddling more often. Remember, intimacy is about connection, not just physical acts.
5. Create New Shared Experiences
Sometimes loneliness creeps in because couples fall into predictable patterns. Trying new activities together can reignite excitement and bonding. This could be anything from cooking a new recipe, taking a class, hiking, or even planning a weekend getaway. Shared experiences build memories and remind you why you enjoy each other’s company.
6. Seek Support When Needed
If loneliness and disconnection persist despite your efforts, consider seeking couples therapy. A skilled couples therapist can help you both understand underlying issues, improve communication, and rebuild connection in a safe space. Therapy isn’t a sign of failure-it’s a proactive step toward strengthening your relationship.
7. Nurture Individual Well-being
Healthy relationships are built on two healthy individuals. Encourage each other to pursue personal interests, friendships, and self-care. When each partner feels fulfilled individually, it reduces pressure on the relationship to meet all emotional needs and can actually enhance your connection.
Loneliness in a Relationship Is Common and Surmountable
Feeling lonely in a relationship doesn’t mean the love is gone or that the relationship is doomed. It’s a signal–a call to attention–that something needs care and intention. By acknowledging the loneliness, prioritizing connection, and communicating vulnerably, couples can move through this difficult place toward renewed closeness.
Start Couples Therapy in the St. Louis Metro Area
If you’re in the St. Louis area and struggling with loneliness or disconnection in your relationship, Marble Wellness offers compassionate couples therapy tailored to your unique story. You don’t have to navigate this alone. Not only do we have a team of therapists in Ballwin, MO, but we have also recently expanded to serve the Lake St. Louis and Wentzville area! Reach out to our Client Care Coordinator today to discuss your therapy options, both in-person and via online therapy in Missouri.
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Marble Wellness Counseling services are designed to help set you on a path of living a more fulfilled, calm, and happy life. Our St. Louis area therapists have a variety of training backgrounds and areas of expertise. We specialize in anxiety, depression, grief, chronic illness, therapy for men, couples, and maternal overwhelm. Our practice also helps new moms with various postpartum concerns, moms in the thick of parenting, and moms with teens. We can also chat from wherever you are in the state with online therapy in Missouri. No matter where you are in your journey, we are here to help you thrive!
